Move Over! No, Move Back!

[WARNING: Slight reference to self harm]

There was one time, I am told

that my charm was equal to an opposing wall:

A monolithic monster of monotones and messages,

spewing from recordings like discarded dial tones.

And I’m aware that I won’t be adding up to more than this anytime soon.


I live on, the story goes,

taking cuts from every knife and thorn.

It’s the irony of talking like you’re readying to be alone

but wishing to be noticed as more than just an empty home.

And I’m aware that I won’t be adding up to more than this anytime soon.


As long as I breathe and words explode from my chest

I feel compelled to speak against everything that I detest,

from the flesh that hangs off these bones

and the smile that comes like an afterthought.

Eyes that deceive and play tricks on unsuspecting guests,

with a face you’d rip to shreds in a reflection’s mocking chatter,

and a heart that crumbles upon feeling a mere gust of wind;

a mind that shouts and screams and tears at the wall I seem to be.


Pay it in a lonely night.

Mark grievances in razor tattoos.

And when it’s washed up and done,

the red cascading down the drain,

nothing’s addressed and nothing is whole.

A body shivers but doesn’t bend,

stuck in a position that will never end

and no hope to ever mend.


When it’s washed up and done,

the self-hatred spelled out so plain,

one word resonates in my brain.


Coward.

Coward.

Coward.

Coward.


And I’m aware that I won’t be adding up to more than this anytime soon.

( ❤ Mitch)

We’d Like to Thank the Academy

These words never meant a thing when I first thought them.

They’ll mean less as I write them,

and nothing will be left when you finally hear them.

Simply bones—stripped of skin, armed to the teeth with sin.

Chew on their meaninglessness; no worries needed, they’re harmless.


Keep your tongue locked behind your cheeks,

so sharp and bent that they cut into that speech in your throat.

Did you have one planned, or did I jump too far ahead?

Pay no mind; I’m functioning on hours spent out of bed.


This is white noise in truest form,

to be played as a soundtrack for the building burning,

twisting down the fire escape and making a start towards the street,

to be cut off at the intersection and split down the foundation.


I won’t claim to be your expert or claim to be a saint,

but I know enough to say you won’t fit in the picture I paint.

And if the mirror holds no lie,

then my frame must be out of your canvas in a similar manner.


We petitioned Paris on a new perspective and got a shrug in reply,

so from here on out we can map our love on a Pollock and trace the black.

No endings and no beginnings: There can be no more turning back;

something simple in concept, but as I look upon it now,

I find my hands trembling.


Before that little confidence in me becomes erased;

before those memories of you become replaced;

please let those meaningless letters and combinations grant a common ground.


Stay pure, stay as you are and stay unloved,

only as long as I stay the same—true and alone.

My pain can continue side-by-side with the worst nights you own,

until the sun rises on a more favorable next day.


And give me the hope that you’d say the same:

That this separation kills you more than me.

No more notes, no more looks.

Let me believe.

( ❤ Mitch)

Snow Falling on November 11th

The smoke is clearing away from your front porch.

That door I’ve never seen before probably looks exactly like all the others,

but it’s the pathway to an unknown fate that beckons every day.


I’m stripped in an open field waving a white flag, defenses lowered:

The war has found an end.

The war is coming to a close.


Your lips crave for a holiday,

but your eyes remind mine of the tricks I play;

pretending I’m more whole than the inside displays.

Still I knocked gently on your heart’s door,

caressing the glass contents that shuddered at any shake,

quivered in a cold wind blowing by,

and slid to a covert cabinet when a stranger reached in.


Even with history in my stride I recited my best behavior,

yet froze in the chill emitted from an arctic smile.

Trying to start a fire while drifting underwater;

matches soaking wet, but it’s not much farther

until the caps melt off and the core speaks beneath.


Why do I have to sing whenever you look at me?

Why does every hair stand at attention whenever you’re near me?

A beating attraction proves flexible when sense is throwing obstacles,

willing to bend to nothing for the hope it transitions to love.

Hoping for a glacier to thaw in a frigid winter.


Last night I put my heart to rest and found you at your best,

dressed in the natural beauty of your smooth skin and hair.

It was as if you knew the surrender was always an inevitable.


Counting casualties on the battlefield,

praying that I’m on the winning side,

keeping those lingering doubts deep beneath the rising tide,

leaving space inside so every moment we get I’ll forever keep,

even when I know it means nothing to you or me.


But those little nothings are as alive as any love,

whether true or not; there’s no difference to me.

Even when the night ended and we left without a word,

the numbers fell in my favor.

That’s the story I’ll tell the mothers at home—

the ones breaking through my telephone lines.


We threw it all at a brick wall and watched it break,

only to pass on taking the blame.

The boys won’t be going home.

The boys won’t be going home.


I took a chance and two and by week’s end I’ll take three.

There’s no stopping joyful insanity.

The boys won’t be going home.

The boys won’t be going home.


I’ll keep the white flag up at night,

above the trenches,

high above our fears,

with the vague hope that one day you’ll emerge from you nest.

I’ll keep going until you relent.

There’s no way you’ll fall out of my head.

( ❤ Mitch)

Have You Finished Those Errands?

Dazed and confused,

taken away by waves of water cascading down below eyelids.

Hours feel like they were hours ago and I’m convinced it’s already next week.

Just yesterday I promised there’d be no next time.

Blink and wake to a new reality and I’m making the same mistakes,

dressed in my promises but speaking completely wrong.


Let’s get out tonight so I can lose my mind.

Let’s find a way out tonight so I can lose my fucking head,

let the stars in and comfort my worries.


Trying to find ways to forget about you is harder than they said.

I want to give you credit for disappearing so well.

The water continues;

it’s hard to tell where the rain begins and where my emotions are bare.


Call off today—take me out tomorrow,

lead me by the hand to a circle of strangers with their own next-times.

I’ll tell you how it went but with the truth removed,

filling your conscious with the assurance that my eyes won’t stay closed.


Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat:

Day 35 and I’m still dragging my feet.

Come Day 40 I’ll be back in the circle,

and by Day 50 the stars will stop helping.


Within this, without you, progress stays true to a straight line,

watching my friends jump in and on and in front of trains:

Lives filled with arrivals and departures set in cubistic motion and time tables.

Left searching with nothing but Murphy to judge by,

I’m consigned to believe abandonment is just payment.


Here’s an apology to the ones that stayed at the station:

You didn’t get what you wanted.

You got more than you paid for.

And when all else is factored, you didn’t reap a profit.

You reaped what you didn’t sow.

But how could you have known?

How would you tell until you knew me too well?


Pick me back up when I fall down on the dance floor or let me melt into the cracks.

I’ll spend time in the ground.

Rest easy for a while.


Don’t wake me.

Don’t wake me up.

I’ll leave a note on the stars.

I’ll be back once in a while.

( ❤ Mitch)

(and thank all of you who have followed recently! I’m so grateful to have you all along for the ride 😀 )

I Failed My Robotics Class Last Semester

Show me your face.

I’m asking for guarantees; the ones that you hide behind the make-up,

the subtext of your actions left to hide behind the eyes.

Playing cloak-and-dagger with emotional drama is a sure-fire way to cause further trauma.

Can we agree to tear down our borders and find a new way to speak?

And please line up and say your names; I forgot you all.

The policy in play is an eye for an eye, and you already took mine.


Show me the real face that you hide from me.

I didn’t think I was asking for much before I saw the look you gave.

Fame has no place in my desires and I’ll live long enough without touching it.

My soul was on display and you collectively turned your backs:

The choreographed locomotive fallback when you’re given something different.

We live lives with our boxes and we can’t figure it out:

Some things don’t fit where we want them to.


Show me that face you’ve used to disarm me.

I’m running out of ways to see you in a positive light.

My patience was stretched so thin it turned into the dust on your circuit board.

I tried to connect and tried to fight, but I found you were like the rest;

They churn you out of factories and discard all the best.

Your name is a series of numbers I can’t be fucked to know.

It was my mistake for joining your freak show.

It was my mistake for doing what I was told.


Some people just can’t be reasoned with.

( ❤ Mitch)

You Can Call it a Monet

If we met back when we were kids, how much of this would have been reversed?

How much of anything could have been changed instead of living in stasis?

If I keep guessing with these “what-if’s,” will it change your mind?


Take your time: waiting is a game we play for all our lives.

I’ll spend my freedom on some empty words and self-assurance,

arm-in-arm with my brothers-and-sisters in arms:

Lovingly twisting each and bending until we break.


There’s no telling when the tension is going to flow over.

We’re trying to push the envelope until we tear it to pieces.

I’ll wait and circle around like a shark;

my esteem is low enough as the ocean floor.


Every moment I’m hoping you’ll be back for more:

Think of the nights nestled in cloth with a vinyl disc spinning lazily,

our hands intertwined, spun in silk so delicately.

Think of the days in the sun with songs erupting from our hearts

and the rays of color refracting from the sky between our eyes.


And if you think of any more, will it become real enough for me touch?

Or can I just think of it myself and cover for you?


I’ll trick myself into thinking it’s not my loss to count

during all those times together with our brothers-and-sisters in arms,

closer and closer every day as we cope and laugh at our words,

bringing our smiles so close but our hearts at a distance.


It’s the impressions that matter the most to me;

the seconds of love that pass too quick to see.

I’m painting a photo of you and me for when we leave this scene.

I never really was, but what if I was?

What if anything I though was real?

What if I thought you loved me?


Nothing more has to be said; he’s calling for you again.

No more has to be said; I guess you can go home again.

( ❤ Mitch)

And That Day, the Clouds Marched Away

I was trying to talk

but you were worrying about the cracks in the sidewalk.

Too many old tales from too many old friends

made you think one wrong step and you’re dead.

Words are a struggle if you turn to tug-of-war,

and when it comes to aggression, I’m clearly not your type.


Take care in the way your mouth moves,

keep an open mind whenever the wind blows,

because a movement is a movement no matter how it moves.


The world won’t revolve around absolutes.

The way you work, you’re keeping your enemies close and the worse of the lot closer,

holding that shield steady to keep anyone from reaching in,

bracing for a rainstorm on a clear day,

too busy with your thoughts that they all drifted away.


I wrapped my life into a ball and tried to see where it’d roll.

It didn’t go as planned—nothing ever goes as planned.

Stay a level head and a level mind,

for when you stumble along there’s shelter to find.


Days will come where you’ll play the blind man and shut your eyelids on life

when the world turns and turns around the here and now,

closing off ears and sealing mouths shut to dull any sense,

not caring to know the color you miss.


It’s been so long since we’ve talked and it will be forever until we really do.

Here’s a note passed between desks, between the words we shot over the bow.

I stayed up until the sun came up last night,

and I found that I wasn’t able to breathe;

no tears, no screams, no anger and no fears.

I had been laughing for so long and never felt better in my life.

( ❤ Mitch)

Promises Came with Threats

I’m so content with myself tonight.

I said some bullshit philosophy and created some hate against you.

Satisfied with the way I’ve put more fault in your mistakes and how I made you my enemy.


I’m so content with closing my door tonight.

The less I know, the better I’ll feel by the end of the day.

No more photographs and evidence of how you’ve been away.

Leave me ignorant to escapades and bar room tabs.

I’ll hide behind my own misinformation and pretend you’re still the same.


Your memories are playing games with me.

You’re at your best when you’re nowhere near me.


We placed our bet on distance but we forgot to do the numbers.

Math was never my best; I’ll put the blame on you.

Trying to get you to stay was never my best; I’ll put the blame on you.

Keeping you in my arms was never my best; I’ll put the blame on you.


Because you can take it.

Every thought I have left of you can bear it for me.

Take on the weight and keep me afloat, keep me away from it.

It’s a small favor to ask for the trouble we went through.


The less I know, the more blame I’ll put on you.

I’ll force you down and out with all the strength I can give.

I’ll force you out so you can leave

and stop haunting me

and never be my ghost.


Or I’ll do the same to you, no matter what you do.

I’ll do the same to you, be that demon for you.

( ❤ Mitch)

Wanting to But Not Being Able to Want to

The echoes thundering out my bedroom window haven’t left since the day I unraveled.

The ghosts in the walls maintain their movements as if locked in place.

They’re sneaking under the sheets and burying under the carpet,

concealed in a fortress of dust.

I tried to stamp them out but they break and attach,

track on my footsteps from the hospital to that place six feet under the ground.

They’re telling stories of you and me and all of those endless hypotheticals,

delving into the theoretical of what binds an eyesight to another;

the same questions that drain your heart and impose inaction when common sense begs motion.


If only you weren’t so poetic, I would have burned you all down if I could,

stripping planks and fabric to exterminate the thought.

But that grip you keep on my shoulder is a comfort every time I feel its pinch.


Maintain that rigid control with your handcuffs.

I’m bound and bound to always be bound by a repeating drama.

It’s enough to render me sleepless,

throwing myself into old photographs that hurt more than help.

I can’t tell anymore if I’m my own antagonist for remembering each regret they portray

and holding on to it, weighing my eyelids down.


If anyone asks, I’m not going out.

If anyone asks, I’m still at the start.

If you’re wandering on the old street and those neighborhood haunts,

I’m still at home.

I’m listening to static in my eardrums and watching my alarm clock march forward.

Time is progressing but my life is falling backward.

If anyone asks, I never left the room.

*

( ❤ Mitch)

Visual Replays Now in Stereo Format

Working another graveyard shift with your emotions.

You’re hiding behind your mechanical smile and not giving anything away.

Geometrically, you are symmetrically in line horizontal and vertical,

though if you give me the time, I’ll find your cracks.

I don’t ask for your money or any of your rewards,

but if I make it through, I hope you can recognize me.

Turn your eyes and see me for the first time.


Scars are opening like a waterfall.

I guess I messed up somehow.

I’m shouting “Once more, again,” and I’m lying on the same damn floor.


I took a chance at stealing your face,

lost the race to another man.

Now I am falling back to old habits,

like all those old friends that threw me out the window.


“Once more, again.”


If I was born with the strength, I would’ve asked for you to change.

I would have tried to change the course.

I would have tried to say my words,

But I choked on them instead.

Felt them jam inside my throat

And punish me for speaking.


Please don’t ever look my way again.

I’m surrendering to industry—all hail progress to namelessness.

You’re just another somebody I’ll never be able to hold.

*

(<3 Mitch)